The myth that therapy means you hand over the wheel
When people imagine therapy, many picture a therapist who directs the client where to go. In reality, good therapy works more like learning to drive with someone in the passenger seat: you hold the wheel, you choose the route, and I help you notice what you might have missed. The work is collaborative, and your rights as a client matter as much as my expertise as a therapist.
Key takeaways
You control the pace, direction, and goals of therapy; the therapist's role is to guide, not dictate.
Collaborative therapy respects your autonomy and builds on your existing strengths and insights.
You have the right to ask questions, change direction, or say no to any intervention that doesn't feel right.
Effective therapy balances your lived experience with the therapist's clinical tools and perspective.
Metaphors like driving help clarify the therapeutic relationship: you steer, I navigate.
You're already driving before you walk in
Here's what I notice in my work in Edmonton, Alberta, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick. The people who walk into my office have been struggling through anxiety, grief, or relationship conflict for months or years, and they're exhausted. However, they have been driving all along, often through terrible weather with a fogged-up windshield. My job isn't to grab the wheel. It's to help you see the road more clearly, point out exits you might not have noticed, and remind you that you have more control than you think.
What collaborative therapy actually means in the room
Collaboration doesn't mean dictation. You bring the lived experience, the context, the gut sense of what feels true. I bring pattern recognition, clinical tools, and a perspective that isn't tangled up in your day-to-day.
In practice, that looks like me asking, "What do you think about trying a grounding technique when the intrusive memories start?" rather than prescribing it. It looks like me saying, "I'd like you to try this, and if it doesn't fit, we'll adjust."
When I work with clients using EMDR, CBT, ACT, mindfulness for trauma or for anxiety, I explain what we're doing and why before we do it. If something doesn't feel right, we stop and talk about it. You have the right to understand what's happening and to say no.
I believe you're not broken. You're stuck, or overwhelmed, or carrying something too heavy, and we're figuring out together how to shift the load.
Your rights as a client go beyond informed consent
Informed consent is the baseline: you have the right to know what treatment you're receiving, what the risks are, and what alternatives exist.
You have the right to set the agenda and go at your own pace. If I propose an intervention and it doesn't land, you can say so. I'd rather hear "that doesn't make sense to me" in session than have you leave without trying it.
You have the right to fire me. If the fit isn't there, if my style doesn't work for you, if you'd do better with someone else, that's legitimate. Therapy depends on the relationship, and not every therapist-client pairing clicks. I'd rather you find the right match than stay out of politeness.
The therapist as navigator, not driver
Here's where the driving metaphor does its best work. You're behind the wheel because it's your life, your goals, your risks to take. I'll point out when you're drifting into the shoulder. I'll suggest a rest stop when I see you're running on fumes. I'll remind you that the route you've been taking for years isn't the only one. But I don't take the wheel, and I don't decide the destination.
In my work with people navigating PTSD, depression, and chronic stress, I see this play out constantly. A client will say, "I know I should exercise, but I can't make myself do it." It's decision fatigue, or a schedule that's already underwater, or a belief that self-care is selfish. Once we surface that, we can work with it. Maybe exercise isn't the right lever right now. Maybe we start with sleep, or with saying no to one obligation, or with ten minutes of stillness before bed.
The navigator's job is to help you see options, not to override your judgment.
When I do take a more directive role
Collaboration doesn't mean I'm passive. There are moments when I step in with more direction, and it's worth naming them.
When you're in crisis, I get more structured. If you're having daily panic attacks or intrusive memories that are keeping you from functioning, I'm going to suggest concrete interventions and check in more frequently. When I see a pattern you can't see yet, I'll name it. That's not me taking over; it's me stabilizing the car when it's fishtailing.
When we're doing trauma work, I hold the protocol. EMDR/CPT/PE has a structure for a reason. I'll guide you through the phases, manage the pacing, and intervene if you're getting too activated. You still control what memories we target and when we stop.
You're not a passenger. You're a driver learning to handle new terrain, and I'm giving you real-time feedback.
What this means for people starting therapy in Edmonton, or anywhere in Alberta, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick.
If you're reading this and considering therapy, here's what to expect when you walk into my office or join our video session. I'm going to understand you better by asking what brought you in, what you've tried, what's worked and what hasn't. I'm going to ask what you want from therapy, not just what's wrong. And I'm going to treat you as someone who already has insight, strength, and agency, even if those things are buried under exhaustion or fear right now.
We'll build the plan together. I'll suggest tools from CBT, ACT, EMDR, or DBT, depending on what fits. I'll explain what each one does and why I think it might help. You'll tell me what resonates and what doesn't. We'll adjust as we go.
You'll have homework sometimes, but it'll be homework we agreed on, not assignments I'm handing down. If it doesn't work, we'll talk about why. If you forget, we'll talk about what got in the way. Therapy isn't school. There are no gold stars for compliance and no shame for struggling!
And if at any point you feel like I'm pushing too hard, moving too fast, or missing something important, you can say so. That's not defiance. That's you doing your job as the person holding the wheel.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to follow every suggestion my therapist makes?
No. Therapy works best when you try interventions that make sense to you and feel doable, not when you comply out of obligation. If a suggestion doesn't fit, say so, and we'll find another approach.
Your therapist's suggestions are based on patterns they've seen and tools that tend to work, but you know your life better than anyone. A good therapist will adjust based on your feedback. The goal is collaboration, not obedience.
What if I don't know what I want from therapy yet?
That's completely normal, and we can figure it out together as we go. Many people start therapy with a vague sense of "I'm struggling" rather than a clear goal, and that's enough to begin.
We'll spend the first few sessions exploring what's happening, what's getting in the way, and what would feel different if things improved. Sometimes the goal clarifies after a few weeks of talking. Other times it shifts as we work. You're allowed to start without a roadmap.
How do I know if my therapist's style is too directive or not directive enough?
Trust your gut. A good fit feels like a conversation where both people are contributing. You should feel challenged sometimes, but not controlled. Supported, but not coddled. If the balance is off, name it in the session. A skilled therapist will adjust or help you find someone who's a better match.
Can I change my mind about what we're working on mid-therapy?
Yes. Life changes, priorities shift, and new issues surface. If we've been working on anxiety and suddenly you're dealing with a relationship crisis or a grief that just hit, we pivot.
Therapy isn't a contract you're locked into. It's a process that adapts to where you are. Let your therapist know what's shifted, and we'll adjust the focus.
What does collaborative therapy look like with evidence-based treatments like EMDR or CBT?
Collaborative doesn't mean unstructured. EMDR and CBT both have protocols, and I'll follow them because they work. But within that structure, you still have agency: you choose which memories we target in EMDR, you decide which thought patterns we tackle in CBT, and you set the pace.
I'll explain each step before we do it, check in about what's working, and adjust if something feels wrong. The structure is there to guide the work, not to override your input. Evidence-based treatment and collaboration aren't opposites; the research actually supports involving clients in decision-making as part of what makes therapy effective.