Alister Gates, BAppCoun
Counsellor
Zurich, Switzerland
Also available by telehealth: Switzerland
IFS-informed therapy for couples and individuals ready to understand what's actually driving the pattern.
About
Something that once worked doesn't anymore, and on the outside, life might still look fine. Careers have progressed, responsibilities are being met, but internally there's tension, exhaustion, or a quiet disconnection that won't go away. I work with professionals, founders, and business owners who find themselves overthinking, burnt out, emotionally distant, or unsure who they are beneath the roles they've built. For some this shows up in their thirties: pressure, self-doubt, long hours, and a constant sense of having to hold it together. For others it emerges later, when a relationship is strained or the question becomes, 'How did I end up here?'
My background spans over 35 years in business across leadership, operations, and building teams, alongside many years as a therapist and coach. That means I understand both the external pressures of achievement and the internal cost of carrying them alone. I'm trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, and I draw on somatic awareness, attachment theory, and depth psychology to get beneath the surface. The work isn't about endless talking, it's about understanding what's actually driving the pattern, and changing it.
With couples, most don't arrive in crisis. They arrive when the same conversation has happened one too many times, or when the distance has become impossible to ignore. Using IFS, we look at what's driving the pattern in each person, not just what's happening between you. When the parts running the conflict are understood, something different becomes possible. I also offer 2-3 day private couple crisis intensives in Zurich for those times when weekly therapy simply isn't enough.
I work online with clients across Europe, the UK, the Middle East, the US, Australia, and New Zealand, and I see couples in person in Zurich. If something here sounds familiar, a short conversation is often the easiest place to start.
Specialties
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Addiction & substance use
- Relationship issues
- Couples therapy
- Stress management
- Burnout
- ADHD
- Grief & loss
- Life transitions
- Career counselling
- Trauma & PTSD
- Self-esteem
Approaches
- Internal Family Systems (IFS)
- Somatic / body-based
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Psychodynamic
- Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Mindfulness-based
- Narrative therapy
- Solution-focused
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Works with
- Adults
- Couples
- Working professionals
Sessions
Languages
- English
Logistics
- Office locations
- In-person (couples): Zurich, SwitzerlandOnline: Worldwide
Licensed or authorized in
Frequently asked questions
- What does a first session with you look like?
- The first session is really about getting to know you and understanding what has brought you to therapy. We’ll talk about what’s happening in your life now, what you’d like to change, and some of the experiences or patterns that may have shaped where you are today. There’s no pressure to tell me everything at once, and you don’t need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to work on. My role is to help us make sense of what’s happening together and begin identifying where the deeper work might be. By the end of the session, I’d like you to have a clearer sense of what we could work on together—and, importantly, whether I feel like the right therapist for you.
- How can IFS help me?
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help you understand why you sometimes think, feel or behave in ways that don’t seem to make sense—even when part of you knows you want something different. Rather than seeing anxiety, anger, self-criticism, people-pleasing or shutting down as problems to get rid of, IFS helps us understand what these parts of you may be trying to protect. Together, we gently explore what sits underneath these patterns and where they may have begun. Over time, this can help you feel less controlled by old reactions, more compassionate towards yourself, and more able to respond to life and relationships from a calmer, clearer and more confident place.
- Why do I keep repeating the same patterns even when I know better?
- Understanding a pattern and being able to change it are two very different things. You may know that you people-please, avoid conflict, procrastinate, choose the wrong relationships or become defensive—yet find yourself doing it again. Often these patterns developed much earlier in life as ways of protecting ourselves, belonging or staying safe. They can continue operating long after we actually need them. Therapy gives us the opportunity to go beneath the behaviour and understand what is driving it. Rather than simply trying harder to change, we work with the deeper emotional roots of the pattern. When those begin to shift, change can feel much more natural rather than something you constantly have to force.
- Why do I shut down, withdraw or get defensive in my relationship?
- You may genuinely love your partner and want a good relationship, yet find yourself shutting down, withdrawing, becoming defensive or avoiding difficult conversations when things get tense. These reactions often happen very quickly. Something in the relationship touches a vulnerable place and, before we realise it, our protective responses take over. In therapy, we slow these moments down and become curious about what is actually happening underneath them. Once you understand what you are protecting—and where that response came from—you can begin relating differently. The aim isn't to never feel triggered, but to have more choice about what you do when you are.
- My life looks successful, so why don’t I feel happy or fulfilled?
- Sometimes there comes a point when the life that has worked for you no longer feels quite enough. You may have a successful career, relationship, family or comfortable life and still find yourself wondering, Is this it? This can be particularly confronting in midlife. The goals and identities that have carried us through the first half of life can begin to lose their meaning, leaving a sense of restlessness, emptiness or disconnection that is difficult to explain. I see this less as something being wrong and more as an invitation to look deeper. Therapy can become a place to explore who you have become, what may have been left behind along the way, and what you want the next chapter of your life to actually be about.