How I Became a “Homework Therapist”

Eight years ago, I stumbled across a New York TImes article called “Do You Need a Homework Therapist?” I laughed — not because the idea is absurd, but because I’d been doing exactly that informally for over a decade. When I saw how much they were charging in NYC, I stopped laughing.

This work started accidentally with my cousin. He came to me at Christmas, partway through Grade 11. He was failing math and couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing his parents. I knew that feeling. I’d had my own rocky relationship with math (and school generally) before two great teachers — and a teacher’s strike ironically — helped me turn things around. Eventually I came to genuinely enjoy math, taking several post-secondary courses. But what I loved most was helping other people get there too.

With my cousin, the first thing I noticed was that the problem wasn’t Grade 11 math. It was Grade 9 algebra. (Credit to Mr. Sarna for pointing out again and again that Math 9 is everything.) Health issues in his Grade 9 year meant missed days — and a missed foundation. So over the Christmas break, we went back to basics. We worked algebra until it clicked, then returned to his Grade 11 work with fresh eyes.

What happened next is the part I love to tell. Somewhere along the way, I stopped tutoring him and started just showing up — creating a space where studying felt a little less heavy. Sometimes I’d bring college friends to the coffee shop where we’d meet and we would all study together. My cousin loved that. He’d work through his problems while my friends and I swapped stories, read novels and wrote essays. He learned to chunk his work into manageable pieces and developed good on-paper math habits. And he started to feel good.

Near the end of Grade 11, his teacher pulled him aside to say he’d had the highest mark in the class since Christmas. My cousin was stunned. He didn’t go on to take Math 12 — I’ll admit I was disappointed at the time — but he did eventually become an accountant, so I’d say that his relationship with math had changed fundamentally.

I should mention something that probably comes through in how I talk about all of this: I genuinely love high school subjects. I happily nerd out over a polynomial, a good novel or history. There’s so much richness in the material and a lot of kids never get to see it because they either don’t care or they’re too busy being anxious about their mark. One of my quiet goals is just to slow down enough that some of it has a chance to land.

I want to be honest about what I actually care about in this work — it might not be what you’d expect from a tutor. I don’t care about grades. I believe everyone deserves a basic fluency in math (and a few other subjects) to move through the world with confidence and maybe catch a glimpse of the beauty those subjects hold. But not everyone is on their way to a degree in astrophysics and I’m not one of those people who obsesses about getting a kid into the perfect school. While I acknowledge that a good school can influence a person’s financial future, what I genuinely care about is this: that students find subjects they’re drawn to and good at, and that they build a sense of ease and accomplishment in areas that used to frighten them.

If you’re a parent looking for someone to push your child toward straight A’s, there are plenty of high-priced tutors designed for exactly that. I’m not the right fit for that goal and I think it’s better for all of us if I’m upfront about it. I’m not saying that straight A's is a bad goal either — it’s understandable that parents want the best for their kids — I’m just the wrong person to help with that particular goal.

I’m a counsellor. I use homework as a tool for self-discovery with my teen clients. I focus on executive function, hopefully uncovering what lights them up, and on giving them space to talk about what’s going on in their world. If grades improve along the way — they usually do, at least a little — that’s wonderful. But a report card is never my measure of a person’s worth.

So yes, “homework therapy” is now on my profile. It’s a real thing, it turns out, and it fits what I do better than most labels. It’s part tutoring, part coaching, part being a steady, curious presence while a young person figures out who they are and what they’re capable of.

It started with my cousin at a coffee shop over Christmas break and it’s led me to dozens of similar situations over the years. I’ve met some really cool kids and watched them blossom in ways I never could have guessed. One term is usually enough to turn things around.

And while I’ve learned that there are certain subjects that I can’t tutor well (here's to you, Chemistry), my scope has broadened beyond mathematics and I love nerding out on high school curriculum. So much comes down to habits, chunking projects and keeping a level head. Most importantly, I love meeting that cool kid that everyone knows, but for some reason they’re stumbling. As a counsellor, I know I’m supposed to talk about “home life” and stuff like that, but honestly often it never comes up. Teenagers are mostly focused on what’s happening at school and with their friends, so if they talk at all, that’s mostly what they talk about. Some just focus on the work. Life doesn't get all figured out in high school — I’m an existential counsellor after all and some themes don’t come up until later developmental stages — but it saves good stuff for college. 😁

Here’s the original article: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/05/learning/do-you-need-a-homework-therapist.html ✌🏽